Welcome: Chloe Grace

Today I would like to pay tribute to CFO's, RN's, and MBA's. But I am not talking about accountants, doctors and attorneys. I'm talking about a large group of people who have earned these titles, but have never printed their names on business cards. It's a special group of women called "mothers".

Several weeks ago I was asked to share some of my cancer experiences and perspective on adversity with the Young Women in our ward at their New Beginnings. That night they re-introduced the Personal Progress program. I loved their new booklets and the concept of setting goals, so I asked Sis. Bryan if I could participate. She readily agreed. I decided to work on "divine nature" first. One of the projects was to read several Conference talks on the role of women. Randomly I selected Sis. Beck's talk from April 2004. She began by describing her own mother, who during her single years, "devoted her life to progress". When the time came for marriage and children, "...all the knowledge she had acquired, all her natural abilities and gifts, all her skills were channeled into an organization that had no earthly bounds." (Ensign, May 2004). The word "organization" caught my attention. We give a lot of respect and honor to the huge corporations of the world: IBM, General Motors, Microsoft, and Nike. But by far, the greatest organization, regardless of size, is the family. And a co-owner of that organization is mother.

She has a PhD (Physical Health Director): Not only does she provide for our physical needs by being chef and tailor, but she is the physician and registered nurse for our wounded elbows and knees. She is the fitness trainer joining in jump rope or roller skating in the park. She may be our fashion consultant and hairdresser, or a psychologist.

She is a CFP (Chief Family Planner): Mothers are the alarm clocks in the morning and the bedtime storytellers at night. She coordinates her role as chauffeur and activities chairman. As she rules over the Board of Directors (the children) she plans Family Home Evenings; rotates the chore chart; juggles the dance lessons, Cub Scout derbies, visiting teaching, ward service project, Back to School Night and the yard work. Her "to do" list is much more extensive than Bill Gates!

She is a CPA (Caring Personal Advisor): Her qualification has come from being a two year old, a twelve year old, an eighteen year old, a new bride and a new mother herself. Plus she is blessed with added inspiration that comes as a gift from God. She came equipped with a padded shoulder to cry on, two listening pierced ears, a lip-glossed mouth speaking wisdom, a comfy lap to sit on, and arms to hold you safe.

She is an MD (Master of the Dictionary): If she doesn't know why caterpillars have six dozen legs, she either makes up an answer or goes to Google to find out. A woman of much knowledge, she can solve algebra equations, double check the spelling words, create a universe from paper mache, and give piano lessons. Down through the ages, we haven't sent our toddlers to walking school, or the speaking academy, or the "wave bye-bye" university. That's all learned at home.

She is an ATTY (A Testifying Teacher of Youth): Like the stripling warriors of the Book of Mormon, we know because we know our mothers know...

The idea of motherhood was reinforced on January 20th as we welcomed our newest little arrival, Chloe Grace Willoughby. What a doll! I wonder what she was doing on January 19th? What last minute preparations and advice was she being given in the spirit world...and by whom? Did she look down on her soon-to-be family and say, "No, please, don't send me there. The Singleton-Willoughby combo is a little too much for me!" Or has she been observing us for years and jumped for joy at the chance to be a part of our family? She must have known her father would give her piggy back rides. She must have known her mother would sing to her. She must have known her big brother would teach her to slam dunk. After seeing Chloe Grace this week, we are again reminded of the awesome responsibility, but eternal blessing, that comes with nurturing an innocent Child of God.

I am not Chloe's mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, sister or even aunt. I am about as "extended" as they come in this family. I guess officially, I am a great-aunt (or a GREAT!!!!! Aunt). I hope someday she will realize the love I have for her, because everyone can "mother" at times. I know I have been nurtured by great women this past year: my own mother, my sisters, my nieces, my aunts, my neighbors, my friends, my angel grandmothers.

The title "mother" is not appointed by the Chairman of the Board (unless you consider Heavenly Father). It's not earned by study at the university. It's not even just for those who have spent time in the hospital delivery room. It's an honor bestowed on anyone who's developed a "mother's heart".

"There is no limit to what a woman with a mother heart can accomplish. Righteous women have changed the course of history and will continue to do so, and their influence will spread and grow exponentially throughout the eternities." (Sis. Julie Beck, Ensign, May 2004). Won't Hayley be proud when Chloe Grace becomes president of the United States...or even more so, a wonderful mother herself.

If I Only Had A Brain

I'm shocked that no one in our family included The Flaming Lips' CD on their Christmas list! Never heard of them? One song they have recorded may sound a little familiar: If I Only Had a Brain. That's right, the song from The Wizard of Oz. The song is part of the soundtrack for the video game Stubbs the Zombie. Really...I read it somewhere. I don't know what, who, where, when or especially the why in this bit of trivia.

After reading last week's Grace Notes, some of you expressed concern about my belief in "kicking the bucket". While I admit a part of me has been very anxious, my fear of leaving you was not my intent in writing. I was trying to convince myself that in spite of the worry over lab results, goals can still be achieved. Nor should I postpone dreaming just because the IRS believes they rule the world! Here's this week's message from the October 2008 Conference by Pres. Uchtdorf. "Hope...is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way for those who seek for eternal truth in a world of relativism, confusion, and of fear." (Ensign, November 2008, page 22).

However, to be truthful, in my anxiousness last week, I did place a call to Dr. Ingersoll. I thought it might be helpful to get a second opinion on the tumor marker levels. She explained that it was too early to panic and saw no need for concern at this point in time. In a somewhat stern, yet tender manner, she advised to "start thinking with the right side of my brain." (Actually, Dr. Ingersoll is one of the kindest, most thoughtful and careful physicians I've had to deal with. In her own compassionate way, she was helping me deal with my fears. Thank you, Dr. Ingersoll!).

I was totally clueless as to what she meant by her instructions. I have a hard time just using 5% of my entire brain, let alone trying to maximize one side or the other! But, her suggestion sounded positive, so I did a little research. We love the "lefties" in our family. They have lived a hard life. For years they have had to deal with right handed scissors, right handed ironing boards and right handed desks in school. We drive on the right side of the road (but on the left side of the car...why?) We raise our right hand to promise to tell the whole truth and nothing but. We don't wear CTL rings! (I'll let you think about that one.) If we're running late, we explain we'll be right home. The tax returns I prepare have to be right or the IRS won't be happy. Some of us dream of Mr. Right. Even the scriptures suggest we might want to live in such a way as to be found on the right hand of God. So the right side of our brains must have special significance.

According to a Google site, here are just a few characteristics of right-brained people.

• Prefer rock music
• Prefer visual instructions with examples
• Good at sports and art
• Cat lovers
• Enjoy clowning around
• Likes to read fantasy and mystery stories
• Good at geometry
• Occasionally absent minded
• Thinks better when lying down
• Very spontaneous and unpredictable
• Dreamer and philosopher

Now, who put that list together? I don't believe it...nope, not a word. If it was true, left brain people must love Gregorian Chant music and migratory birds; is lousy at telling jokes; likes to read the encyclopedia; their favorite school subject is library study hall...basically leads a dull life. Okay, that is believable, because is sounds very much like me. Scientists and psychologists agree that all healthy human beings use both sides of their brain to function in the real world. We need a little left and we need a little right to keep balanced.

The Wizard of Oz is a classic movie. It provides an insightful lesson on human characteristics and possibilities. How could you NOT fall in love with the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and especially the Lion? But when I was a little girl, I didn't like to watch the movie. The wicked witch of the West scared me. I still cringe when I visualize her melting away. So even to this day, I refrain from viewing the movie when it replays on television. Wait a minute! Maybe that's the problem Dr. Ingersoll saw in me. Why let the fear of the melting witch ruin the journey along the Yellow Brick Road? Why let one side of my feeling and thinking (the left side of logic and anxiousness) hinder me from feeling and thinking something better (the right side of imagination and hope)?

At first the Scarecrow didn't realize he had a brain. Yet he arrived at the best solutions facing the quartet of travelers on their journey. He must have been using the left side of his "straw" matter in making those decisions. But the right side was used in his memorable song:

I could wile away the hours, Conferrin' with the flowers, Consultin' with the rain;

And my head I'd be scratchin', while my thoughts were busy hatchin', If I only had a brain.

I would not be just a nuffin', my head all full of stuffin', my heart all full of pain;

I would dance and be merry, Life would be a ding-a derry, If I only had a brain.

God gave us two sides, one to answer the perplexing equations of the universe and another side to confer with flowers and rain; a brain that instructs our feet to dance, our lips to sing, and our heart to make life ding-a-derry. That's what Dr. Ingersoll meant!

Don't Worry...

Last week as I was eating supper, I turned on the television for company. The viewing options were limited. I chose an episode of Wheel of Fortune. One contestant explained his appearance on the show was a result of his "bucket list" ( a list of things he wanted to do before he kicked the bucket). Unfortunately, he lost the game, but at least he had the satisfaction of a goal accomplished. It reminded me that several years ago I started my own bucket list. I searched for the scraps of paper I wrote on and want to share some ideas with you.

• Take art lessons


• Enter something in the Weber County Fair (...done that!)


• Travel to Tahiti, Mount Rushmore and Heanor, England


• Participate in walk/runs for charity


• Invest $500,000 towards retirement (might as well aim high)


• Open and operate a music store or studio


• Go back to school


• Visit some South America ruins


• Attend a session in the Nauvoo Temple


• Hike Diamond Head


• Sing with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir


• Install a swimming pool in the backyard


• Volunteer as a Girls Scout leader


• Take a hot air balloon ride


• Shake the hand of the prophet


• Find "Sarah" (as in...Sarah Singleton, born 1776)


• Be a grandmother

This week's conference talk is Elder L. Tom Perry's found on page 7 of the November 2008 Ensign. "We can't predict all the struggles and storms in life, not even the ones just around the next corner, but as persons of faith and hope, we know beyond the shadow of any doubt that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and the best is yet to come." Making a bucket list seems to indicate we believe such a principle. But...

No offense, but I think the most obnoxious song ever written and recorded is Don't Worry, Be Happy. Those lyrics are so annoying to those of us who have a lifetime membership in the Pessimistic Club. I am an expert in allowing fear to replace faith and worry to crowd out the happiness that is to be found in today and tomorrow.

Last Friday I had a three month checkup. The doctor pronounced my heart and lungs healthy. That is positive. It was suggested the pain in my shoulder was probably some sort of "...itis", i.e. arthritis or bursitis, not cancer related. That was positive. However, one of the lab tests measures protein levels in the blood and is used to see if cancer may be recurring. An acceptable level is between 0 and 40. After chemo and radiation last year, my baseline number was 26. In October, my level was 28. On Friday, the level had raised to 36. I thought to myself, if the trend continues, by my next three-month checkup, it will exceed the upper 40 limit. Okay, I'm starting to panic here.

As I have tried to calm down the last few days, I realize I have two choices. I could worry for three months about something beyond my control. Or, I could put the data in storage and start working on my list. Why waste 90 days of precious life worrying when I could be doing so much more...productively. But there is another problem. It is tax season. I really don't have time to fly to Brazil this time of year. As an alternative, I have decided to revise, simplify, and downsize the bucket to make it a "sand pail" size. It will be so much more fun than worrying.

• Instead of taking art lessons, I will do the connect-the-dot puzzle in my newly acquired Friend magazine.


• I'll try to walk around the Newgate Mall during lunch hours and at least think charitable thoughts.


• I won't have time to spend money, so I will put $10 extra toward my half million retirement fund. Only $499,990 to go!


• I have several Mo Tab CDs. I'll sing along with them as I drive to work each morning.


• Once a week, I will wear my swimming suit in the bathtub.


• I can visualize the Land of Nephi as I read my verses from the Book of Mormon.

During the next three months I will use the motto: "Don't let your worries get the best of you. Remember, Moses started out as a basket case." Oh, and one more revision to my list. Attending Primary is a lot like being a Grandmother. You play games, read stories and sing songs for an hour or two. Then you send them home for their mothers to deal with for the week. One more crossed off the list!

Creation 101

If you went to church last week you know we are studying the Old Testament this year. Of course, "...in the beginning" was the creation. As I read and reread the account in Genesis, I find I have many questions. Do mosquito brains feel pain as they are flattened to your skin? How do carrots know the orange grows down and the green grows up? What do cows think about as they graze in the meadow all day? How many worlds are there and is my eternal companion living on planet #649 right now?

Another question might be, was it extremely difficult for God to create everything? Or was it a fun time? Maybe both? Nothing is impossible with God. And aren't we grateful He got gravity right? I've attempted to make cookies before. Rolling that dough into a perfect round ball isn't easy. I turn away for a microsecond only to find that ball I tried so hard to shape has "splattened" all over the cookie sheet. I hope gravity holds us together just a little bit longer than my chocolate chip cookie dough.

And then there was Adam. The scriptures tell us the beasts of the field and the fowl of the air came to Adam to see what he would call them. Wouldn't that be an entertaining assignment? Here comes a very strange creature waddling towards you. You think it looks like a "scruntchnestodip". But God, overhearing you, kindly suggests that maybe "puppy" would be a better name.

For this edition of Grace Notes, I have returned to commenting on the October 2008 General Conference. The idea of creation reminds me of Pres. Uchtdorf's message to the sisters. He advised one way to experience happiness here on earth is to utilize our divine attribute of "creating". "The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before." (Ensign, November 2008, page 117).

Just this morning as I was trying to create energy to roll out of bed, I stretched my legs, my arms, my whole body. As I reached in a long stretch, my hands automatically made shadow puppets on the ceiling. For a few seconds, I experimented in making dogs, fish, strange animals...and once I thought my shadow puppet looked just like Lamb Chop. Silly, I know. But it was a fun way to start the morning.

This idea of creating is what brought on the project Grace Notes in the first place. I also set a goal to crochet an afghan. The goal was met. I not only made an object, but in donating it to Carly to use in the Festival of Trees, money was generated and maybe warmth was created for someone using it this winter. I love to create music, not just through the piano, but by voice, or by switching on the stereo, turning up the volume to the radio, or inserting a CD. I create peace as I clean my home. I create order when I mow the lawn. I create a bond when I visit with a friend. We are creating all the time.

But my favorite is creating memories. Just for fun on some Sunday afternoon, take a notebook and start listing good memories...just a keyword or a phrase. After an hour or two, take a break and give your hand a rest. Then you can count how many more Sundays it would take to complete your list! A year's worth of Sundays? A whole lifetime?

It took God six days to create all of this for us. Whether it was literally six days or six thousand years doesn't matter. It took patience to see the process to the end. With each phase He pronounced it "good". In fact, after He created us, He called us "very good." I know I have experience in creating a mess, creating a problem, or even creating distractions. So I've got to remember to use my God given desire for good purposes.

Finally, we are just interns here in mortality, learning to be like Father. If I am a good girl, I will be allowed to create worlds of my own someday. I was imagining how I might create snowflakes. I would probably be tempted to change the chemistry and make them all different colors. Wouldn't that be a sight? Why didn't God use some imagination for snowflakes; purple, red, gold, green, blue and orange all coming down at once? But after some consideration, I admit God's wisdom. When all those snowflakes start to melt, what a messy, mucky brown color they would make puddled together. Not a pretty sight. And the inspiring orange autumn, the exciting green spring, and the pleasant yellow summer would pale in comparison to the gumball effect of that first snowfall. I guess white is the perfect color for winter and I still have a lot to learn as I continue to do my homework in Creation 101.

Hurray for 2009

Happy New Year! I was reading just this morning in the Standard Examiner of their top ten news stories of 2009. Of the ten, I think only one was positive. For millions of people 2009 was a year to forget. In fact, many feel the same about the entire decade. Our family was no exception in facing trials and hard times. But, do you realize how blessed we have been? To confirm this statement, I would like to list the top ten reasons why 2009 was a fan-tabulous year for the Singleton family. (Disclaimer: these are not in any particular order...and please, don't be offended if I don't mention everyone by name.)

1. Our family added and multiplied. We didn't divide or subtract. The year began with McKean willingly (maybe even joyously) coming to our family. Cooper legally became a member, even though he had been in our hearts for months. We added Alicia midway through the year. And by the end of the year, Cooper was anxiously awaiting the arrival of his little sister...Okay, he has no clue that he will be sharing attention, but his parents are anxiously awaiting Cloe's arrival.

2. Sure, there were serious health issues to face. Stairs proved very hazardous for Kathleen and Linda. Grandpa endured months of treatments and doctors' visits. I continued therapy. Two broken arms healed: one pink and one blue. Lauren recovered well from surgery. Car accident victims mended. Everyone had their turn at the familiar, yet unpleasant, human pains and sicknesses. We are still together for another year.

3. Our family was no exception to hard economic times. It is scary to have responsibility to feed a family while being in a precarious employment situation. Some of you had to take on a second job to make ends meet. You are great inspiring examples of hard work and integrity. Rob endured in patience and faith until an opportunity came along (albeit in Moab!) David's teaching position was spared. Jes found advancement. Allen's job was retained and they found a beautiful home closer to Salt Lake to ease the burden of commuting. Ilene realized retirement was quite pleasant. Bottom line: we struggled, but we're okay.

4. When you are young, each additional birthday is exciting. Tyler and Jackson chose baptism this year. Nathan was ordained a Deacon and Ashley advanced into Young Womens. We've got a wide range of CTRs and other Primary descriptions. "Sunrise, sunset...when did they grow to be so tall?"

5. We can communicate with each other. There were some doubts, even anxiousness that some little members didn't have much to say. Some therapy, sign language instruction, and patience allowed Lilly, Bennett and Tate to progress at their own pace. We know there will come a time when they will talk incessantly (age 4-8) and then they will revert back to not talking (age 12-16), and who knows after that.

6. We saw the world! Scott and Alicia's trip was the most romantic and exotic...their honeymoon to Ireland. What a thrill! There were trips to Seattle, New York, Australia, Yellowstone, Chicago, Alaska, Canada, California, South Carolina, Ohio, Colorado, Missouri, New Jersey, Jackson Hole, Orlando, Wendover, Las Vegas, Alabama...(Note, the majority of these places were visited by one person: Nate).

7. We took advantage of opportunities: The adult ladies ran races. The younger ladies danced. The older men and the younger men went on campouts and raced in derbies. Too numerous to count were the piano recitals and concerts. Some conquered gymnastic moves, others excelled and even sold art. A few took advantage of additional schooling. There were spelling bees, Reflection contests, basketball...baseball...soccer games, chess tournaments, leadership conferences, talks in Primary, new church callings, singing events. The list could go on and on. We are more talented, skilled, smarter...and tired than we were a year ago.

8. Old traditions were renewed and new traditions were started. Most memorable was the flag raising ceremony on Memorial Day. I was so proud of the family for being reverent and respectful. I was so proud of our family scout leaders and cubs for their proficiency in handling that ceremony. Each year this tradition will grow bigger and better. Our family became so large this year that we needed to alter the location of our Christmas party. The accommodations were great. So even tweaking the "old" brought a good "new" tradition.

9. Rob was inducted into the Davis High Track and Field Hall of Fame. He was not the only hero of 2009. Every mother and father in our family deserves their names on the Hall of Fame board. (And sometimes I bet you feel you are running a marathon, or the 100 yard dash...or jumping high hurdles). You are great parents who love, teach, honor and take care of your families. That's the most important achievement of the year...and the eternities.

10. We loved each other. What more can I say!

So as you reflect on 2009, there will undoubtedly be some memories of heartaches, fears, anxious moments and times you would just as soon forget. Go ahead, I think we have permission to forget those. But do not forget reason number ten. This past Christmas was a very emotional reminder to me that we stick together in good times and in bad. We are here for each other. Thank you for reminding me in 2009 what this life is all about!