Heading Home

Good afternoon! I'm a few days off from my regular Friday postings. My excuse: V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N. I took the chance to spend a couple of days in Federal Way, Washington visiting with Ilene. It was a wonderful get away and I enjoyed seeing Ilene's home, meeting her friends, and almost non-stop talking. She was a very gracious hostess and I appreciated her letting me sub-lease. We had a great time and the three days of vacationing ended too soon.

On Saturday morning, as she was driving me to the airport, we were both carefully watching for road signs to indicate the appropriate lanes of traffic. Ilene reported we didn't want to be in the terminal parking lane. Almost automatically, I confirmed her comment. I had already been there, done that. For about six months, from October 2008 to March 2009, I stalled my emotional Toyota in "terminal parking". I didn't have much hope of survival. Even though Dr. Hansen said, "we're going to beat this," I didn't believe him. I stayed in "terminal" mode for quote some time. So I agreed with Ilene, we didn't want to be in that lane.

Ilene maneuvered her car like a pro and we found ourselves in the drop-off lanes. We exchanged hugs...and she left me there!!!!! My next steps would take me to the electronic "Departures" board. Sadly, I was scheduled to depart from a vacation world of eating out in restaurants, visiting tourist spots, enjoying the sociability of family...basically a time of little concern or worry. So, understandably, there was sadness in departing from such conditions. But I dutifully found my specified gate, waited with other "departees", secured a place in line, and eventually got on board, heading for home.

The symbolism caught hold in my mind. Do you realize the excitement to be found in "departing"? For every flight leaving the Sea-Tac Airport, there is a corresponding "arrival" flight to somewhere. There is NEVER a departure without an arrival at another place. For me, Salt Lake City meant my home, a place of comfort, security and familiarity. Is our departure from mortality any different? We are all in "departure" mode. We will take the flight...some sooner, others later. But there is an "arrival" board on the spirit side where family and friends are anxiously waiting at the gate to welcome us HOME. What a wonderful thought.

Even the airport security experience is symbolic. We check our excess baggage...none allowed. We discard everything that may be harmful to ourselves and to others. We lay it all out for inspection. And in reality, we can only take our bodies and our souls through that magnetic portal. At the airport, there is a fairly good chance you can retrieve the same sneakers at the end of the line as you walked in with. But with the resurrection, it is 100% guaranteed we will be reunited with the same (only perfected) feet.

This is from "Story Teller's Scrapbook:

"I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength and I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, 'There, she's gone.'

Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side, and just as able to bear her load of living to the place of destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her; and just at that moment when someone at my side said, 'There, she's gone', there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices to take the glad shout, 'There, she's coming!' And such is dying."

This last year I was so very grateful for the knowledge I have of "arrivals" and "departures". I know we lived before we came to this earth. I know I have much more to learn here. But I also know there is a place for us beyond mortality. This knowledge was a great source of strength when I was parked at the terminal for so many months. As Ilene and I cried at the end of my vacation, I asked her why it had to be so hard to say goodbye when we both knew we needed to move on. Her answer was perfect. "It's because of love." And a famous man said...(Okay, it was Patrick Swayze in the movie Ghost)..."it's true, Molly. The love we have, we take it with us." No wonder it is called the Great Plan of Happiness.

A Lesson From Tyler

As you already know, Halloween 2008 was non existent for me. I was still reeling from the effects of my first chemo treatment. So, while not overly thrilled with celebrating the holiday in 2009, I did look forward to attending both family Halloween parties and seeing the excitement of the children. For weeks prior, everyone was asking the question, "...who are you going to be?"... as if magically, all the children would change their character as easily as they changed their costume. When the time came to unveil their "new look", we saw a pirate, a pop star, several witches, and a lion and a tiger...oh my!

Some costumes allowed the wearer to momentarily take on a new personality. Al Capone showed his mean streak for five minutes and then Nathan took over again. When Abby was asked if she was a scary witch or just a cute witch, she thought for only a nano second and replied, "a cute witch". The Ninjas, Star Wars characters, and all of the Knights of the Round table acted ferociously... for a time. Harry "Porter" looked the part with dark hair, glasses and a wand. It was quite believable... for a time.

But Tyler... he cut out the middle man. As Amy stated in the newsletter this month, he debated back and forth "what to be". But in the end, he thought it would be more fun just coming as himself. While Halloween and dressing up is exciting, stirs the creative juices, and is something to look forward to, don't we all come back, eventually, to be ourselves? That's good and that's the way it always should be.

It's actually a very good question we ask each year: "who are you going to be?" Let's emphasize a few words in that question. First, the word "YOU". Tyler already knew of his own worth. Traumatic events, such as surviving cancer changes lives. Perhaps you can reflect on defining moments in your lives, where afterwards, you were not the same? This last year I felt the need to put on the costume of what the perfect "survivor" should be. I've tried to incorporate courage and new resolves into my every day thinking. I've experimented with support groups. I've even read a half dozen "survivor" books detailing the way we should feel and live. But with Halloween 2009, I'm wondering if I need to just "come as I am". Maybe it is time to realize that Ann Singleton is a great character to play.

..."who are you GOING to be?" In the eternal scheme of things, I'm still growing and learning. I have potential. With obedience, repentance, hard work and lots of grace and mercy to go along with lots of "oops", I am GOING to be better today, tomorrow, next year and at the end of this mortal life, whenever that day comes.

How about a different emphasis: "who are you going to BE?" I love that word and it's companion "BECOMING". They reflect the ultimate goal. I am reminded of Elder Oaks comment from the October 2000 General Conference: "The Final Judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts, what we have done. It is an acknowledgement of the final effects of our acts and thoughts -- what we have BECOME." For many years I have searched the scriptures for clues on how I can BECOME the person I should be (you know, BE ye therefore, perfect...) Let me share with you some recipes I've found:

"...pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love [charity]...that ye may BECOME the sons of God..." (Moroni 7:48)

"...for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things BECOME strong unto them." (Ether 12:27)

"But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually... and thus be led by the Holy Spirit, BECOMING humble, meek, submissive, patient, full of love and all long-suffering." (Alma 13: 28)

So when I see Minnie Mouse, Jasmine, Hermoine, Buzz Lightyear, cowboys and killer bunnies (I don't understand that one) or even a demonic doll, I am reminded that it is fun to pretend, to laugh and act crazy at times. However, eventually we all come back to ourselves. That's a role that no one else in the world can play. But it is a self that is "going" to "be" better today than yesterday. So for Halloween 2010,I will take Tyler's suggestion and come as "me"...only the new and improved version.

Guinea Pigs and Other Rodents

"Shortly after my diagnosis, my doctor offered me the opportunity to participate in a clinical trial, and I eagerly accepted. He didn't use the term 'guinea pig', but that's how I saw myself. It didn't matter, though. I wanted every available weapon to fight my battle!

"The actual treatments using the trial drug began many months later. The drug was brutal, but by then I had learned the healing power of laughter. While browsing in one of those everything-costs-a-dollar stores, looking for something to amuse myself, I found a small face mask that was just a rubber nose with whiskers. It looked like a mouse's nose. Or maybe a rat's. Or maybe, I thought, a guinea pig's.

"At my next appointment, I sat on the table in the examining room sporting my shiny bald head, that oh-so-lovely hospital gown, my new nose and whiskers, and a terribly serious expression. When my doctor walked in, he asked (head down and looking at my chart), 'And how are we today?'

"I said in the saddest voice I could muster, 'I don't know about this clinical trial. I'm starting to feel like a guinea pig.'

"He looked up at me with a puzzled expression. A smile spread slowly across his face. Then he chuckled. then he started laughing. He laughed so hard he had to sit down. I laughed so much my sides hurt and tears rolled down my face. That rubber nose was the best dollar I ever spent." (Chicken Soup for the Breast Cancer Survivor's Soul, page 112)

I don't know if you find this story funny...I did...maybe you had to be there! But it gave me an idea for this week's Grace Notes. I've already mentioned how devastated I was when I started losing my hair. Certainly the wig helped. But mostly, I missed my eyelashes and eyebrows. So I became even more self-conscious about my appearance. There is a very fine line on how we view our physical bodies. On one hand, we can be obsessive and worry too much about the outward appearance. At the opposite extreme is where we don't care at all about hygiene or health. A good balance is in the middle...we are healthy (eat right and exercise) and "accentuate the positive" but we accept how we are and go on with life.

A cancer survivor contact of mine informed me of a support activity sponsored by the American Cancer Society entitled "Look Good, Feel Better". I went. Cosmetic companies and retail establishments donate merchandise to the cause. Local beauty experts (okay...maybe not experts, probably Stacey's Beauty School students) volunteer. I received a bag full of goodies including eyeliner, lip gloss, foundation, lotions...and suggestions on applying all that makeup on a face that wasn't the same as a few months ago. It was helpful and I used several of the techniques in the days to follow. It indeed made me feel better.

But as I thought about the name of the class, I wondered if the name needed to be enlarged by two little words: "Look (for the) good, and feel better." Humor and a positive outlook can make a big difference in the way we feel physically and, of course, emotionally. I would just bet the woman in the guinea pig story felt much better after releasing tears of humor in the doctor's office.

I need to work on this concept. I wish I had the "guts" to do something like put on a rat's nose and walk into a waiting room. Looking for the good, however, can even mean just replacing a negative thought with one more positive. For example, Negative: "Boy, it's cold today...I hate winter"; Positive: "Boy, it's cold today...one day closer to summer!" Hey, that makes me feel better already!

In case you can't come up with positive thoughts for today, here's a joke (keeping with the "rodent" theme). See if smiling and laughing make YOU feel better:

Hickory, dickory dock,
The mice ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
And the others escaped with minor injuries.

The Pigs discover FIRE

It's been a long, long time since I've read bedtime stories. It is any wonder? As children we were told of wolves eating grandmas, houses being blown down, witches in the forest, poisoned princesses, headless gingerbread men...they are enough to give us nightmares! But for some reason, I've thought of the "Three Little Pigs" this week.

If I remember correctly, the big, bad wolf would knock on the door of each little pig's home and ask to be let in. The little pigs knew better and replied, "...not by the hair of my chiny-chin-chin." So the wolf huffed and puffed and blew the houses down...until he tried the house made of brick. (Many good object lessons in this story). It was too well built for the wolf's hot breath and in the end...well, it ended happily ever after for the pigs.

While they were wise and saw danger in letting the wolf into their homes, I want to draw another analogy...the need for just the opposite reaction. This past year, many people literally and figuratively came knocking on my door and asked to come in. They weren't wolves. They were good people: family, friends and neighbors. But because I was too independent and too proud, I refused their entrance into my home, my heart and my life. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't rude (I hope). It's just that I didn't give others an opportunity to extend service when they asked "what can I do to help?"

I think I have learned something about "knocking". We may knock on a door and people will say "no". Okay. We accept that and go away. But we never lose interest in the little pigs. My neighbors soon quit knocking. (I guess we get what we ask for.) I am going to assume, however, they never lost their concern for my well being.

We may knock and people will say "no" at first. But we come back a second or third or even a fourth time. Eventually, they know we are sincere and will let us in. My friend, Marnae, was like this. I told her I didn't need any compassionate service meals. After several repeated requests, I gave in. For many weeks during tax season I would come home to find supper in my mailbox. Remember, this was in the dead of winter...my mailbox was like a freezer. I appreciated her determination.

We may knock and people will say no. That's when we go to the back door and try a different approach. This reminds me of another favorite bedtime story, "The Little Mailman of Bayberry Lane." The squirrel was the mailman. Everyday he would deliver letters to Mr. Turtle, Mrs. Duck and Mr. and Mrs. Goose. But there was never a letter for Mrs. Pig. The mailman, seeing Mrs. Pig's loneliness, thought and thought and finally came up with a wonderful idea. He arranged a surprise party so the neighbors could get to know Mrs. Pig better. The party was a great success and Mrs. Pig was never lonely after that. Everyday, the mailman would deliver thank you notes, and party invitations and chatty letters to Mrs. Pig written by all the animals in the neighborhood. Sometimes we need to "think outside the box" and find different ways to serve.

Yes, I should have let people in when they came knocking. They were sincere in their desire to help. I also need to be the one who does the knocking. I'm afraid I am failing in this area too. It's not that I don't care. It's usually a situation of thinking I'm too busy with things that matter least. So I am going to recommit to "pig out" and "knock" on a few doors. And if they don't let me in to their home, I'll try to find a way into their hearts via another route. In fact, I should "huff" and "puff" until I get let in...in a very compassionate, kind, charitable, loving, understanding, sincere way, of course!

So here are my final thoughts on fire. The first comes from Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. "Someday, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness the energies of love. Then, for the second time, man will have discovered fire."

Albert Schweitzer has said, "Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light."

Fire #2

It was actually a coincidence that my last Grace Note was published on Columbus Day weekend. Since then, I have been told that not all people consider Chris an inspired man. I won't debate that...I'll leave those discussions to history teachers. But I still maintain that his phrase "fire for the deed" IS inspired.

So here is my "fire" quote number 2. These words were spoken by Pres. Brigham Young as he heard stories of suffering Saints leaving Nauvoo. While at Winter Quarters he encouraged men to go back and offer assistance to those camped along the Mississippi River. He said, "Now is the time to labor. Let the fire of the covenant which you made in the House of the Lord, burn in your hearts, like flame unquenchable." (Ensign, May 2009 page 100).

There is something powerful in a covenant relationship. Both parties have sacrificed something to reach a desired outcome. If both live up to their responsibilities in the covenant, it's a win-win situation. And I think being in a covenant relationship empowers us to do more than we thought we could...it gives us fire for the deed. There may be times when God will literally send angels, superhuman strength, or personal revelation to aid us in our efforts. On the other hand (and mostly in our everyday challenges) God expects us to gather the firewood, dig the pit, rub the sticks together and blow real hard to get the fire going. But that's okay, because we are cub scouts in training...we can do it!

Stories have often been told about parents putting themselves in danger to save a child. Why? Spouses should be "hopelessly devoted" to each other, and no one else. Why? Good people throughout the world, sacrifice personal time and money for charitable causes. Why? We find fire to do that which we feel a strong commitment to. When relationships fail or trials surface, there is ONE covenant relationship we can always count on. I really struggled when I was released from my callings last year. I also felt very scared and fearful for many months. Through all of that, I hoped in priesthood blessings and prayer. I believed in the peace of scripture study. And if my memory is right, I only missed one week of attending church (that was a miracle). My point being: a covenant relationship is a strong motivator...or should be.

One summer, Ann [that's the name in the story...honest] decided to go river rafting. Everyone who signed up for the trip had to learn the basic procedures and safety measures. As the instructor outlined the dangers, Ann became scared. What if her raft capsized or was dashed against the rocks? What if she were thrown into the rapidly churning water and carried downstream before anyone could rescue her? The instructor had one answer to all of Ann's anxious questions: "There is a rope that is attached to the perimeter of the raft. Whatever happens, hold on to that rope. Never let go. Just hold on." And do you know what? An unexpected storm came up and Ann's raft did capsize, but she remembered her instructor's words. She held on to that rope and she survived.

I stared at my friend, wondering what this had to do with me [my cancer]. "Know what your rope is, Myra," she counseled. "And hold on -- to whatever it is. Through whatever happens, just keep holding on." (Chicken Soup for the Breast Cancer Survivor's Soul pages 176-177)

Covenants -- whether they are officially in the form of baptism, temple, marriage or business -- informal connections with friends, family or society -- these are the ropes we hang on to. It's synergistic. And just remember, when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. And swing! (A thought from Leo Buscaglia).

So Says Christopher

Fire! What kind of emotions does this word bring to your mind and heart? Maybe you immediately envision frantic emergency responders and black smoke. Or do other single words pop into your head, such as "ready...aim..."? Perhaps you associate fire with pink slips, blue slips and unemployment lines. Fire is a bad word, a dangerous word.

However, if you are a "glass half full" type of person, maybe you had more positive thoughts. Have you ever been asked, "Who lit a fire under you?" What about Smores? I just don't think they would be too appealing without a campfire nearby. And I am very grateful for that little pilot light in the furnace that initiates some sort of combustion to produce heat. Fire is a good word, a powerful word.

The next few weeks I want to share with you three of my favorite quotes, all dealing with fire. The first thought comes from Christopher Columbus, who said, "The Lord unlocked my mind, sent me upon the sea, gave me fire for the deed...who can doubt but that the Holy Ghost inspired me?" I love that phrase, "fire for the deed". To me, Christopher was saying that his courage to set out on an unknown course, and the determination to see it to the end was beyond his natural efforts. "Fire" can be equated with other words such as "motivation" and "courage", "patience", "faith", "determination", "passion", and "hope". Some tasks we face in life may come easy to us, while others require a tremendous amount of endurance, optimism, and "fire".

You have been examples to me. I would bet there were many times when Amy was wondering if she had enough "fire for the deed" as she put one foot ahead of the other in the Red Rock Relay. Do you remember Mark and Alan's life threatening experience on King's Peak many years ago? They could testify of their pleadings for "fire for the deed" in seeking medical assistance. Ryan and Ilene must hope for "fire for the deed" constantly as they address the needs of their wards. I also thought of Nathan and Ashley. I'm not sure how much fear accompanied that first day of Junior High. But above all else, I think 7th graders need a little "fire for the deed" to take that giant leap from elementary school. Or maybe, you are like me. When a challenging day lay ahead, I need a Thiokol (ATK) booster rocket to get me out of bed in the morning!

We don't necessarily need a four alarm fire. I remember initiation ceremonies at the dorm as a freshman in college. We were marched through a tunnel underneath the building. It was pitch black. In single file, we wandered for what seemed like hours. To be honest, it was a little unnerving. We would have welcomed even the slightest ray of light to guide us and relieve our phobias. Even the stroke of one single match can make the darkness disappear. Cancer survivors constantly state that they search for a new life, a new direction, a new passion after their illness. They tell of raising thousands of dollars for research; they jump out of airplanes; they quit their jobs and move to Borneo; and they take up belly dancing! I've been anticipating that bonfire of motivation to make meaningful changes in my life lately. Perhaps I need to be satisfied with a little flicker of a match that will encourage me to speak a little kinder, to be patient a little longer, and to be more obedient a little more. "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine..." That's plenty of "fire for the deed"...for now.

So, next time you find yourself in a fearful place, wondering if you have the strength to face the challenge, go for it! You will find "fire for your deed"...so says Christopher.

# 1 On the Billboard Charts

I did a little internet research. Can you guess what the most recognized song is in the world? 2nd and 3rd place awards go to "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" and "Auld Lang Syne". But number one is "Happy Birthday To You". I thought: we take this little ditty for granted. Who in the history of music should be given a Grammy for composing such a favorite song? There's only a handful of people who could answer this question. So I am going to give you the answer.

A song entitled "Good Morning To All" was written in 1893 by sisters Patty and Mildred Hill. They were kindergarten teachers in Kentucky, who wanted a simple, little song to teach their students. The actual birthday edition, taken from the sisters' earlier version first appeared in print in 1912. But credits and copyrights didn't enter in until 1935 when the rights were purchased for quite a few bucks! In 1990 it was estimated that the value of the song was near $5 million dollars.

Apparently the copyright will not expire in the United States until 2030, which means unauthorized public performances of the song are technically illegal unless royalties are paid. It is reported that in 2008, royalties paid just to sing the song in public totaled $2 million dollars. Have you noticed at IHOP or Applebees that the waiters sing their own original, celebratory song instead of "happy birthday" when honoring you on your special day? Isn't it a sad, greedy world when we can't even wish each other a "merry" birthday without a cost of $5,000! (To be honest, I'm probably infringing on copyright laws just by repeating what I read in Wikipedia).

Well, that's a bit of trivia. Why share such valuable information with you? Two reasons. First, October 2nd is a birthday to me. It is a 1st year celebration of my cancer experience. It was on October 2, 2008 that I received the phone call from Dr. Noyes that turned my life upside down. I refer to it as a birthday because of its similarities to my "real" birth that happened over a half century ago. When we are born, we are totally clueless, get turned upside down, slapped and we cry a lot. That's what happened to me. I had no idea of what lie ahead, and I felt as if I had been hit on the head. The only thing I could do for a long time was cry. But I began to learn many new things, and pretty soon I could smile, laugh, walk, talk...literally and figuratively.

But there is another reason why October 2nd is a celebration. I survived another 365 days! October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As part of the American Cancer Society's push in October, they sponsor Making Strides Against Breast Cancer. As I looked on their website, I found the following comments:

"In the fight against Breast Cancer, birthdays are signs of progress. We want more of them... A world with less breast cancer is a world with more birthdays...Each step you take lights more birthday candles."

So I am grateful I can celebrate a birthday today. I might even buy a cupcake, put a candle on top and make a wish. My wish would be that October 2, 2010, I can celebrate being "two". (Oh, hey, that should give me justification in behaving like a "terrible two"...awesome. I'll have to call on some of your children for pointers!) (Only kidding...you're children are angels!)